We're Too Trusting

Here's the thing about being human: I can think that I have something figured out or that I can trust myself to do the right thing, but the absolute truth is that my own nature, my very heart, is desperately flawed. So selfish. So wicked. So... sick and twisted.

I cannot put my trust in my own will. I cannot put my trust in my own strength. I cannot believe that I will do the right thing by default. My sin nature has far too strong of a pull for me to not be sucked into it if I don't fight it like the monstrosity that it is.

It's almost like I keep performing experiments in my life; experiments designed to test whether or not I can take a break and rest on what I know to hold me up, just for a little while. If it's an experiment, it fails every single time. It's like treading water. If I stop, I drown. It I let go of my awareness of my need to fight the water surrounding me-even for a moment-I'm doomed. The unforgiving waves swallow me whole. What I know isn't enough. Action is required.

The conclusion I come to after these many failed experiments is this:
I MUST remember always that I can't stop pushing against the water even for a second. If I do, it will swallow me whole, into the depths where I can't breathe. It will consume me.

So it is with the christian walk. Our sinful, selfish nature has so strong of a pull that we naturally can't resist it's charms. Friends, we don't stand a chance! Not on our own.

The good news is that we aren't (or at least shouldn't be) trying to resist it on our own. When we decide that our selfishness can't deliver the satisfaction that it promised, we can look to the One who is everything we need and more. He can satisfy our souls like nothing on this earth can. Everything here is temporary, but He is Eternal. There is literally no end to Him! So not only can He quench our deepest thirsts in the here and now, but He will never run out on us.

What I really want to get at is the fact that we can't fight our sinfulness with our own strength. But that's where He steps in. His Strength is bigger. Let's not think that we can just relax and let Him act. It requires a very conscious and intentional choice on our part to rely on His Strength and not our own. Our strength fails because at our very core, we don't actually want to fight off our self-seeking, self-gratifying, self-glorifying nature. We think we really are the bomb, but we're so not. At His core, He desires for us to be in unhindered relationship with Him. He wants the absolute best for us. And His Strength is bigger than all of the ugliness that we would see in ourselves if we chose to look.

Friends, I want to urge and encourage us all to not stop fighting against the current that would sweep us far away from Him. I write this to tell you how important it is that we are always vigilant of the fact that our nature wants nothing to do with Him; it wants nothing to do with anything that will actually bring us fulfillment. Our nature says that we must always look out for ourselves because no one else is going to. But that's a lie. He is in pursuit of what's best for us even more than we are.

We must, must, must choose to keep treading the water. Even when we're tired. His strength will carry us through.
-Carly

No such thing as a shortcut

So maybe this is one of those "Duh, Carly. Why did that take you so long to figure out?" sort of things, but what I've really started to realize is that ...wow... there are no shortcuts for walking with the Lord. Did that blow anyone else's mind besides mine?

So David and I changed what our diet looks like back in August (#shoutout #nutritarianlifestyle) and we've been loving it! But one thing about eating healthy is that if in, say, one week you chose to replace one all-too-american-cheeseburger-and-fries meal with a salad, you're probably not going to make a lot of progress on any health or fitness goals. Just taking a diet pill or juicing things doesn't get you to where you want to be (at least not in the best and healthiest ways possible). I didn't log on to talk about physical food, though. Here's my point: Walking in a daily relationship with God is exactly the same way.

Just like food, which takes a conscious choice every single meal, learning to lean on Jesus takes a conscious choice every single moment. This seems like bad news for people like me who really take a lot to get motivated to do something that is so constant.

Here's what I'm good at (or starting to get good at):
     Reading my bible most days of the week
     Praying for other people on a regular basis
     Going to church
     Going to bible study (we call it "Gospel Community" at our church, or "GC")
     Hanging out with believing friends
     Admitting how much I stink to my accountability partner (or "Fight Club" partner)

And here's my struggle:
     Meaningfully connecting with God on a daily basis
     Remembering how much He loves me
     Recognizing how He passionately pursues me (even though I don't deserve it!)
     Remembering how much and how desperately I need Him because I can't do it
     Remembering that He is pleased with me because when He looks at me, He sees Jesus' good and perfect deeds, not the mess I continuously make of myself

And I can't help but notice that everything in the first section is something that you can cross off of a to-do list, while all things in the second section involve my heart at a deeper level.

There was a time when my relationship with Him was so incredibly rich that I felt like I didn't lack a thing. And I've been through seasons where I don't know what to do except go through to motions until something happens to change the connectivity issue. And when I'm in those seasons, I feel so powerless to change it at all. (Which is probably because I am powerless...but God isn't!)

And the issue that I've realized lately is that there are no shortcuts to being connected to God in a meaningful, life-altering kind of way. What it's going to take is an intentional, consistent letting down of the barriers that surround my heart that I've grown accustomed to just leaving up. And I don't think I have that issue with other people, just with God. I think, in part, because He scares me. He could ask me to do anything, and I would have no choice but to go along with it. There's a lot of "safety" in distancing yourself from the Creator...but then He can't create new things inside of you, or through you for that matter. #thestruggleisREAL, especially when it comes to wanting Him more than I want my comfort.

So I want to "commit" to Him. I want to commit to daily seeking His heart. I want to know Him richly again. And there are no shortcuts. #whew #herewego

#sorryforthehashtags #Ithinktheyrefunny

Carly W

Floating Thoughts

So I've more or less been on this "journey of self-discovery" (and by that I mean dreaming of all the possibilities that the future could hold for me in the way of career/ministry) for a while now, and I don't know how far down the trail I've gotten yet. That's okay for now because I think there needs to be a certain level of unknown involved. That's what keeps your eyes open and your heart humble. I'll go ahead and admit that sometimes it's a little frustrating not knowing what the next step is, and, at times, even more frustrating feeling like all of my time is tied up in responsible grown-up things (mainly I mean work, here) and at the end of the day I don't have much time or energy to put into things that push me towards my own goals and desires.

Out of everything I can see myself doing in the future, I honestly would like to pursue writing at some capacity. I don't know if that means sticking with a blog or publishing a book!

When I dare to admit this book possibility, so many lies pop into my head about how I can't do it, how there are so many obstacles, how it would be such an investment risk...etc. The list is quite long, actually.

But I feel like I have thoughts to share with the world... With specific people in the world, even. I think one thing that God is trying to teach me is that yeah, I don't know how to publish or market or network or whatever, but for now what I need to do is focus on being obedient in the next step on this journey. I can't do any of those other things and it isn't even time to worry about them yet, but when it is time, God is the One who is supposed to see it through if it's something He has asked of me. I really don't have much to do with the equation.

I apologize if these thoughts seem disjoint. (I know that probably isn't good advertising for any book...)  But these are things floating around in my head for the time being.

Hopefully there are more profound things to come! lol

Carly

First Thoughts: The Future

Okay, so it's a good thing that this is digital media and only collects digital dust. If this were on the bookshelf I'd be sneezing right now trying to open it and write in it.

I'm finding myself at an interesting place at the start of this year. I'm finding myself being fairly introspective in the realm of my job. I'm reading this book that's really interesting (it's called "48 Days to the Work You Love") and wondering what my ideal job and career situation looks like. Now this is a little more complicated than it used to be because now I'm married (!) and have to think very long-term about how work fits into my life anymore. I have to figure out how working fits with a future family and how graduate school for both David (hubby) and I both get to happen.

For those who don't know, David is currently working on his Master's degree in music performance. So for now I'm the one bringing home the bacon. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my job. I'm just wondering if there's some way I can do things I love and make all the monies. Long-term I think that's an excellent goal. But all of my crochet prowess times three isn't going to bring home as much bacon as I already do.

Also, I'm not saying that I'm giving up on my dream counselor position. I still have a heart for people who are in relationships (pre-dating, dating, courting, engagement, marriage) and still think that I can help. But let me be real for a second...there's a lot about that thought that intimidates me. How do I know what's best for people? Plus, there are a lot of situations that, at this point in time, I have no idea how to deal with. I know that's what further education is for, but still, these types of thoughts haunt me.

Anyway, this blog is supposed to be about what God is teaching me, right? Well, yeah. I don't know that I have any specific thing to say except that I know He has it all figured out. He's given me abilities and passions for a reason. I would guess that reason is that He expects me to use them.

If anyone sees a job listing for a singing, tap dancing, crocheting pre-marital counselor let me know. I'd be willing to give it a shot.

Thanks for reading!
CRW<3

A Part to Play

John 12:27-28: "Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? But for this purpose is have come to this hour. Father, glorify Your Name." --Jesus

It was the plan that Jesus would suffer greatly. Why do I complain when it's part of God's plan for me to go though trials? He is no less Good in the midst of it all;in fact, He is shows His Goodness by allowing / causing these slight sufferings in my life. He is for me, He never does anything that is not the to my benefit! So what should my response be when He brings trials my way? Sincere gratitude for His desire to grow me. Is that not something I ask Him for? Is that not something I desire? To be growing ever-closer to Him? For character that has His handwriting on it? For patience? For endurance? For faithfulness toward Him? He desires these things for me in ways and capacities I don't even know and am not even capable of desiring for myself.

Should I doubt His heart? No, not at all. He wants the very best for me and from me. Should I doubt His judgement, then? No, He's the One who sees all things. Should I doubt His plan? Of course not. He is the Great Orchestrator. In His symphony, may I play my part well.

But that takes practice, as well as a very clear understanding of what part is mine to play. Who am I to worry or groan when He gives me opportunity to work on improving my part? There will be a day when all the saints will play their parts perfectly. A day when Jesus returns and all anyone will be able to do is fall at His feet and proclaim that HE is Lord. Every day until then is preparation. Every day until then is a chance to be that much more ready. Whether that's basking in His glorious blessings and provisions, or choosing to press on through difficulties. So tune your instruments, everyone!

Does He--the Sovereign One, the Mighty Redeemer, our Holy Father, Glorious God--not deserve everything we have to give? And we are even incapable of giving Him what He deserves completely, simply by His definition, and ours.

So tune your instruments, learn your part, and play like you've never played before - for His Glory and Fame. Let us be a beautiful symphony for all the world to hear, that they may know Him who orchestrates it all. <3

Some thoughts from a pretty wise Scottish guy...

So I've been studying in Luke for a while now, a little at a time. I've been using a commentary-type book by William Barclay. [If you've seen me hashtag "WBarclay", this is why.] Yesterday had some really good stuff, so I thought I'd share!

"The End of the World's Values"
Luke 6:20-26
"To talk like that is to put an end to the world's values altogether."

Jesus takes all of the norms and accepted standards, and then flips them upside-down... Jesus says 'happy', the world says 'wretched'; the world says 'happy', Jesus says 'wretched'.

The key is in vs 24: "Woe to you who are rich because you have all the comfort you are going to get." Ol' Will says that in that verse, the word Jesus used for 'have' means literally having received payment in full of an account.

"What Jesus is saying is this, 'If you set your heart and bend your whole energies to obtain the things which the world values, you will get them--but that is all you will ever get.'...But if on the other hand you set your heart and bend all your energies to be utterly loyal to God and true to Christ, you will run into all kinds of trouble; you may by the world's standards look unhappy, but much of your payment is still to come; and it will be joy eternal."
Read 2 Corinthians 4:17. It will probably sound familiar!
           [Not in any way should eternal glories and rewards for ourselves be our motivation for following Christ, but what I really feel like is being said here is that 'This may seem undoable, impossible, and like it will last forever BUT there is hope for something much bigger, better, and greater than what you're dealing with now!' I can remember a couple different times in my life when what I was going through seemed far too big to conquer, far too scary to face, and far too impossible to overcome. And the very clear and precise words my heart heard from what I knew had to be the very lips of the Father were these:

"Just hold on a little bit longer." 

And with those words, Peace flooded my heart, and Hope--instead of dread, fear, or worry--for the future came in quantities that were more than sufficient. Those are some of the most clear, most precious words that I've had the joy of hearing and believing.]

Back to Barclay...
"If you take the world's way, you must abandon the values of Christ. If you take Christ's way, you must abandon the values of the world....The challenge of the beatitudes is-will you be happy in the world's way, or in Christ's way?"

We all have that same choice, you know. Before deciding (or even if you already have), take a minute to reflect on which cost is probably greater, but in the end (and in the present, too!) will be so much more than worth it.

Love you all! Thanks for reading :)

Oh, Blog, It's Been Far Too Long...

Hello all! Wow! I didn't realize how long it's been since I've graced you with my words or wisdom! (TOTALLY kidding.) It would take like...307 posts to tell you everything God has shown me since October, so I'm not sure that going through everything step-by-step, post-by-post since then is such a great idea. (I really feel like you'd all give up on me after like...3 of them or something, and I sure wouldn't blame you!)

Even now, God is teaching me bunches, so I sit here in my little chair in my living room, struggling with what to share! One thing that's been very much in the forefront of my mind/life/thoughts/recent sermons/things I've been reading/my experience with other people--Sheesh, when God wants you to learn something He won't hesitate to shell it out full-force. Anyway--is simply the fact that God must be what fills you.

How many times do we seek things that we think are going to sustain us or make us happy when in all kinds of reality, they can't. They just can't.

I don't claim to know a lot, but this is something I do know (very very very very well, I might add):

We were created to have a void in us that ONLY He is able to fill. (You're probably nodding your head in agreement, saying to yourself 'well, yeah. duh', and reading that statement passively. Most of the time, that's probably how I would operate, too. So do me a favor--I'm going to say it again, and this time, PLEASE let the weight of that statement sink in. Ready? Are you sure? I really don't want anyone to miss this!! Okay, here goes...)

We were created to have a void in us that ONLY He is able to fill.

Did you catch it that time? I'll say it again if I need to. This can't be missed.
We were created to have a void in us that ONLY He is able to fill.

Starting to get the picture? Okay, good. I pray ever so sincerely that you'd apply this truth in your life--no matter what that may mean! If that means changing habit or priorities or allowing Christ to captivate you all over again or even for the first time, then so be it!*
*(If you would like to discuss what that means for you or you need some encouragement, then I HIGHLY encourage you to seek someone out to share with!)

For me, allowing God to be what fills me means not allowing myself to be filled by other things. Whether this be school, work, family, any kind of relationship with any kind of other person...These things are good things that He gives us (see 2 Samuel 7:28, Matthew 7:11, Psalm 84:11, 34:10, 104:28, 107:9....there are a lot.), and I believe that He really wants to give us good things! But these good things can't take the place of the ultimate Good thing--God Himself. Notice the difference between good thing and Good thing.

So question...if God wants to give us what's good, and the best of what's good is what's Good, then what does He desire to give us most?? He wants to give us Himself! We were created to have a "God-shaped hole in our hearts" (like my mom used to say, God bless her! But really, what an incredible example to follow! Love you!), and as humans, our natural, sinful, and first instinct is to reach for whatever we can find to fill it.---EVEN as believers! But see, brothers and sisters, those things don't, can't, and won't satisfy us. The hole, or void in us really is God-shaped. It's like a puzzle. There's only one thing that's supposed to fit there! And in this particular case, we can even try to put multiple pieces in there at the same time, and it will still never fit or be enough! All we end up doing is making a complete MESS of everything. Romans 7:18-24 captures this thought well. I can speak to that one from my own personal experience. (If you want to know more, please ask! I would be honored if God would use my experience to help someone else!!)

I can tell you that I've unintentionally tried filling that void with things and people besides God. I can also tell you that it didn't work out so well.

So here's my point, I guess...

We were created to have a void in us that ONLY He is able to fill.

It is my hope and prayer, dear friends, that we can lock arms and walk toward Him together! We may be encouraging and affirming each other along the way, but let's make sure that we don't get distracted by one another. Our goal should remain the same--to be continuously and fervently seeking our Savior, and finding every and all of our satisfaction, fulfillment, joy, peace, love, hope, beauty in Him and Him alone.

Who's up for it?!!