Sunday, as church was wrapping up, God brought a thought into my head. So I wanted to write it down before my scattered mind lost it forever. (Sad and true...) It was awesome what happened when I put the pen to the paper--much like the energizer bunny, it kept going and...well, you get the picture. :)
This is what came out:
*NOTE*
There are some things in here that I didn't say outright. BUT at the same time, I really do want you to
know what I mean by them. So leave a comment/question... let's spark some Jesus-centered discussion!
Love with Fact
Carly Donaldson
10/16/2011
When I run out of cowardice, laziness sets in. I sit, I stew, I'm convicted, I'm bruised, I'm unused. I allow it to happen, I welcome it in. This precious disease comes to light, seeping out through my skin. I'm complacent, then impatient. I complain about something that's my own fault. I'd love to blame, but I'm the one who should be ashamed. I fall so short, but it's like I don't even try to reach. I need to leap, I need to strive, so many times I'm not even alive. Just existing, wasting everyone's time with these nothing, disgusting pursuits of mine. Why is it that I just trod along? No purpose, no wisdom, nothing to show for it. I'd tell you I care, that I'm striving for gold, but as my actions declare, I'd obviously rather just sit in the cold. I need fire, I need life. I need Passion again. And the kind that makes me get up and dance instead of pass on the chance. I pass on the Joy, I pass on the Peace. I don't understand that I have to pursue the things my soul needs. I sit idle, unmoving, unchanging, stubborn day by day. It's no wonder everyone else turns away, I would too. I do. I in myself am worth nothing at all. There's no use for my flesh. It's Christ I need: to just fill me all the way up, with nothing left to be hidden from Him--or anyone else. My life should reflect, my actions should match. If I said, "This is my heart" who would dare believe me? Of course I would doubt. I talk with my mouth, but my actions deceive. My mind is tricked, but does it even want to see? Does it want to understand? Does it want to give in? In this life, on this earth, can I be more than just skin? I'm getting more desperate, restless. God, sink in! Take over my heart. From experience I know that without You, it all falls COMPLETELY apart. There's no need, there's no cause. My mind is confused, my heart is so lost. Then the battle gets lost. Demolish myself-there's no need to exist. Forget I'm here, forget about lists and schedules and time. Forget about the world--can I just call you mine? Forget to pursue anything or anyone except for the Holy You. Take it all, take me away. Take me out of the equasion, just throw me away. Make me crumble, make me let You choose. I'm down. I'm done. I've got absolutely nothing left to lose. Earthly pursuits hold no muse. I've traveled that way, I've done my time. I'm ready, I hope, to get past this uselessness of mine. Take me, shape me, build me from scratch. I would tell You I love You, but I want it to be true. I can say it all day long, but with my actions, I have to choose. I want to love You more and love You better. Help my heart to be serious about that. I't not about feeling, it's all about fact.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Scars
So, God and I got to talking the other day...
We were talking about scars.
I was driving, my right hand on the wheel for a bit. I kept noticing the spot on the back of my hand where I had scraped it the previous day.
"Oh great," I thought to myself, "I'll have another scar on that hand once it heals."
For a second, I was torn...I almost thought it a good thing, and then thought better of it, deciding that it was only going to mark my skin forever and make it somehow less attractive to look at. But then God used it to get my attention.
I began thinking about emotional and spiritual scars. I thought about how I was going to have huge, ugly scars from everything relating to the entire past year+ (how now I was somehow unlikable and even unlovable to the person who had claimed to love me so much for 11 1/2 months). I thought about the mark that would leave on me.
"Is there any way that scars can be beautiful?" I found myself asking my heavenly Father; glad that before I had even gotten the question thought, He was already providing Peace about the answer.
"Scars are reminders of where you've been," He replied.
"But I don't want to remember the pain it took to get them. That just hurts. Why do I need a reminder of how much it hurt when he chose not to love me anymore? I don't want to be reminded of that."
And then thoughts of my (true) future husband flew into my mind.
"Will I still be beautiful to him--even with these scars? After being so broken apart by all of this?"
A feeling not unlike having dirt on my face in the presence of some important company came to me. All I wanted to do was wash it off, to get rid of what marked me so well. But then He spoke again:
"By remembering where you've been, you get to remember just what it is you've overcome along the way." Relief and Peace swept into my heart as I realized: My scars truly will make me more beautiful if I let them.
I've already been feeling as though I've defeated some incredible, strong, fierce beasts in the recent past; This confirmed that fact in my mind and heart. Not so that I could boast and say, "Hey! Look what I've done! Look how I've gotten through!" Absolutely NOT! Instead, "Look how Good God is! Look how God has used these things in my life to grow me! Look at how fierce His Love for me that He would take such wonderful care of me!" (MUCH better!)
Then I was able to think about my (invisible, but very REAL) scars in a new way. A way in which the phrase 'battle scars' can apply. While they may not be the most pretty thing to look at, what they stand for, what they show about you means so much more.
By looking at them, someone else can see where you've been, and appreciate how you've gotten from there to here. And not in a way that you get pitied, but in a way such that you have something to show for your efforts. And even more importantly, God's glory gets to take center stage as you share that it's all and only because of Him that you have thrived in the worst of circumstances.
So several things about scars came to my attention... (1) They may not be pretty, but they'll fade with time. (2) They're something to be thankful for. Because without them marking you, you wouldn't have gotten to where you are now. So in a way, (3) they're kind of a beautiful thing, making you more unique along the way (we all know how I love to be unique! lol :) ), and also how they've made you stronger along the way as well. They mold and shape you to be the person God intended you to be from the very beginning. (You know, before sin got in the way.) And lastly, (4) they're a reminder of the fact that the person you used to be doesn't have to play a part in who God is growing you to be. You have to know that the pain will continue to fade for the rest of your life (IF you let it of course). For some people, they have had so many scars thrust upon them that they are unrecognizable--for better or worse, only they get to choose.
Scars aren't something you can or should wish away or hold on to forever. They're reminders of the triumphs you've had by thwarting the enemy every time you get the chance by not letting the pain consume you. They're reminders of how we've overcome and what we've overcome. We learn, we apply what we learn to our lives, and then we only remember that which makes us stronger and helps us to grow.
So as far as scars are concerned, I definitely don't want to say 'bring them on'. But I've decided to welcome the ones I have with open arms. I will embrace the marks they give my emotional and spiritual appearance, and I will lean from them as I move forward, knowing that it is by God's Grace and Goodness that I can say I have triumphed! <3
James 1:2-4
Galatians 6:17
We were talking about scars.
I was driving, my right hand on the wheel for a bit. I kept noticing the spot on the back of my hand where I had scraped it the previous day.
"Oh great," I thought to myself, "I'll have another scar on that hand once it heals."
For a second, I was torn...I almost thought it a good thing, and then thought better of it, deciding that it was only going to mark my skin forever and make it somehow less attractive to look at. But then God used it to get my attention.
I began thinking about emotional and spiritual scars. I thought about how I was going to have huge, ugly scars from everything relating to the entire past year+ (how now I was somehow unlikable and even unlovable to the person who had claimed to love me so much for 11 1/2 months). I thought about the mark that would leave on me.
"Is there any way that scars can be beautiful?" I found myself asking my heavenly Father; glad that before I had even gotten the question thought, He was already providing Peace about the answer.
"Scars are reminders of where you've been," He replied.
"But I don't want to remember the pain it took to get them. That just hurts. Why do I need a reminder of how much it hurt when he chose not to love me anymore? I don't want to be reminded of that."
And then thoughts of my (true) future husband flew into my mind.
"Will I still be beautiful to him--even with these scars? After being so broken apart by all of this?"
A feeling not unlike having dirt on my face in the presence of some important company came to me. All I wanted to do was wash it off, to get rid of what marked me so well. But then He spoke again:
"By remembering where you've been, you get to remember just what it is you've overcome along the way." Relief and Peace swept into my heart as I realized: My scars truly will make me more beautiful if I let them.
I've already been feeling as though I've defeated some incredible, strong, fierce beasts in the recent past; This confirmed that fact in my mind and heart. Not so that I could boast and say, "Hey! Look what I've done! Look how I've gotten through!" Absolutely NOT! Instead, "Look how Good God is! Look how God has used these things in my life to grow me! Look at how fierce His Love for me that He would take such wonderful care of me!" (MUCH better!)
Then I was able to think about my (invisible, but very REAL) scars in a new way. A way in which the phrase 'battle scars' can apply. While they may not be the most pretty thing to look at, what they stand for, what they show about you means so much more.
By looking at them, someone else can see where you've been, and appreciate how you've gotten from there to here. And not in a way that you get pitied, but in a way such that you have something to show for your efforts. And even more importantly, God's glory gets to take center stage as you share that it's all and only because of Him that you have thrived in the worst of circumstances.
So several things about scars came to my attention... (1) They may not be pretty, but they'll fade with time. (2) They're something to be thankful for. Because without them marking you, you wouldn't have gotten to where you are now. So in a way, (3) they're kind of a beautiful thing, making you more unique along the way (we all know how I love to be unique! lol :) ), and also how they've made you stronger along the way as well. They mold and shape you to be the person God intended you to be from the very beginning. (You know, before sin got in the way.) And lastly, (4) they're a reminder of the fact that the person you used to be doesn't have to play a part in who God is growing you to be. You have to know that the pain will continue to fade for the rest of your life (IF you let it of course). For some people, they have had so many scars thrust upon them that they are unrecognizable--for better or worse, only they get to choose.
Scars aren't something you can or should wish away or hold on to forever. They're reminders of the triumphs you've had by thwarting the enemy every time you get the chance by not letting the pain consume you. They're reminders of how we've overcome and what we've overcome. We learn, we apply what we learn to our lives, and then we only remember that which makes us stronger and helps us to grow.
So as far as scars are concerned, I definitely don't want to say 'bring them on'. But I've decided to welcome the ones I have with open arms. I will embrace the marks they give my emotional and spiritual appearance, and I will lean from them as I move forward, knowing that it is by God's Grace and Goodness that I can say I have triumphed! <3
James 1:2-4
Galatians 6:17
Monday, June 20, 2011
Storms: Burden or Blessing?
As it starts to thunder and lightning outside, I start thinking of how much I like thunderstorms. They're exciting and powerful and perhaps even a bit dangerous. But there's also a lot of mystery involved... You don't know exactly when the lightning will strike, or where. You don't know how loud the thunder is going to be until you hear it roll.
When I was a kid, I wasn't scared to death of storms, but I can remember that at times, they really weren't my favorite. I had younger siblings who were quite frightened, though. I remembered trying to comfort them and tell them that it was going to be okay. But no matter how much I tried to calm them down, they were still always ready to run into mom and dad's room for safety. An older brother or sister is able to give advice, and even comfort and encourage their younger siblings, but they're really no contest with a mom or dad to shelter them and make them feel secure.
So let's take this and run with an analogy... (something I love to do! Especially when it can help us gain some insight into our Creator.)
Here's your key:
thunderstorms = storms and trials of life
older sibling = someone who has been a believer longer (generally speaking, but not necessarily), and has some wisdom to share
parents = God
Now think of that story in this new context. It's pretty cool how God can use something on our terms to help us understand something much bigger, isn't it? That's what Jesus did when He told parables.
So, God, Creator of thunderstorms, is also the creator/allower of the storms we face in our lives. So it's good and necessary to seek wise counsel here on earth from fellow believers. We have to do that! That's why being a Christ-follower isn't a go-it-alone project. God gave us each other to sharpen each other, and to encourage each other. But in the storms that He allows us to go through in our lives, ultimately, it's Him that we have to run to. He's the One with stronger arms, He's the One who sees the entire picture. He's our greatest Comforter, and the only One who is able to satisfy our fears and doubts in the midst of the storms.
Why isn't it our first response to run to Him when the storms hit? In our moments of greatest weakness, it's His job to be strong. But He can't do that unless we run as fast as we can into His arms, and seek His comfort. Sadly, I think that a lot of us are much unlike my younger siblings all that time ago, because their very first instinct was to run across the hall into my parent's bedroom and jump in their bed. They wanted nothing more than to feel safe. After all, parents are bigger than older sisters. Their arms are stronger. They know how to comfort better. They make us feel safer.
So question...how in the world do we try and get by without seeking God's comfort? After all, God is bigger than anyone here on earth that would help us. He's so much more strong, there's not a way to compare anyone to Him (Psalm 9:9; when it says "stronghold", it literally means strong hold). He knows how to comfort better, too (Psalm 23:4, 119:50, Isaiah 51:12a, 66:13, Jeremiah 31:13). There's no one that could make us feel more safe than the One who has the storms under His control (Matthew 10:26-31, 8:23-27).
So it's really cool, but God has/is totally teaching me to run to Him. He's had to bring on the storms so He could teach me, which (as hard as they are,) I have to count them as absolute blessings from Him. (Perhaps this is the part where you scratch your head and think to yourself, 'Now how does that make sense? Being thankful for storms?') You heard me right! (Well, technically you read it....but you knew what I meant, okay? :) )Yes, He's teaching me to be THANKFUL for the storms in my life! That's the other thing I wish to address...
In church a couple of weeks ago, my mind couldn't help but think on the fact that everything God allows or causes is for a reason. Let me put the pieces of that puzzle together real quick before we move on:
1) God is not bound by time
2) therefore, God is able to see the entire picture, not only of our lives, but of how everything fits so perfectly into His plan
3) God has a plan
4) God's plan is absolutely perfect, because He is absolutely Perfect. (Think about it...He's literally the author of perfection!!)
5) God is all-powerful
6) therefore, God is able to see His plan through
7) God always always ALWAYS has our best interest at the forefront of His plan, and actions (okay, how many times have we all heard Jeremiah 29:11 in our lives? Seriously! Anytime we've ever sung that song in church, it sticks in my head all too well. (lol) )
Okay, time for a sum-up. 1+2+3+4+5+6+7=God allows hardships in our lives FOR OUR BENEFIT!
It's absolutely impossible to know the mind of God, because He is so so so so SO set apart from us. BUT something I've been hearing a ton from an "older sibling" lately is this: "Even if you can't see God's hand, you have to learn to trust His heart." Meaning this- even if we aren't able to see how storms are blessings (especially in the midst of them!!), we have GOT to trust that God (A) has control of absolutely everything, and (B) knows what He's doing!
God has really been teaching me all of this in what I'll call "real life terms". I'm guessing that I've probably known intellectually everything I've said so far since I was knee-high to a grasshopper. (Don't judge me.) But only now is God showing me and teaching me what it means in the real world, when storms do happen. And so in light of ALL of this, what other conclusion is to be had than that I have no choice but to be thankful??!
Let me just put it this way... Me? I don't really know so much. Especially when you compare what I know to what God knows...yikes! But God?? What doesn't He know??! So do I want to choose what's best for me? Heck no, techno!!! How could I do that? I don't even know what's best for me! But God does. How can I not want Him to be the One who figures my life out for me? (fyi, He already has) And guess what? Storms are a part of that. But He allows them to cause me to grow and to seek my shelter in His strong, strong arms. What choice do I have but to run to Him? He's the only One who is fit to hold my heart safe when there's rain and lightning all around me? He holds my heart safe and secure from the wind and the storm by holding it next to His.
When I was a kid, I wasn't scared to death of storms, but I can remember that at times, they really weren't my favorite. I had younger siblings who were quite frightened, though. I remembered trying to comfort them and tell them that it was going to be okay. But no matter how much I tried to calm them down, they were still always ready to run into mom and dad's room for safety. An older brother or sister is able to give advice, and even comfort and encourage their younger siblings, but they're really no contest with a mom or dad to shelter them and make them feel secure.
So let's take this and run with an analogy... (something I love to do! Especially when it can help us gain some insight into our Creator.)
Here's your key:
thunderstorms = storms and trials of life
older sibling = someone who has been a believer longer (generally speaking, but not necessarily), and has some wisdom to share
parents = God
Now think of that story in this new context. It's pretty cool how God can use something on our terms to help us understand something much bigger, isn't it? That's what Jesus did when He told parables.
So, God, Creator of thunderstorms, is also the creator/allower of the storms we face in our lives. So it's good and necessary to seek wise counsel here on earth from fellow believers. We have to do that! That's why being a Christ-follower isn't a go-it-alone project. God gave us each other to sharpen each other, and to encourage each other. But in the storms that He allows us to go through in our lives, ultimately, it's Him that we have to run to. He's the One with stronger arms, He's the One who sees the entire picture. He's our greatest Comforter, and the only One who is able to satisfy our fears and doubts in the midst of the storms.
Why isn't it our first response to run to Him when the storms hit? In our moments of greatest weakness, it's His job to be strong. But He can't do that unless we run as fast as we can into His arms, and seek His comfort. Sadly, I think that a lot of us are much unlike my younger siblings all that time ago, because their very first instinct was to run across the hall into my parent's bedroom and jump in their bed. They wanted nothing more than to feel safe. After all, parents are bigger than older sisters. Their arms are stronger. They know how to comfort better. They make us feel safer.
So question...how in the world do we try and get by without seeking God's comfort? After all, God is bigger than anyone here on earth that would help us. He's so much more strong, there's not a way to compare anyone to Him (Psalm 9:9; when it says "stronghold", it literally means strong hold). He knows how to comfort better, too (Psalm 23:4, 119:50, Isaiah 51:12a, 66:13, Jeremiah 31:13). There's no one that could make us feel more safe than the One who has the storms under His control (Matthew 10:26-31, 8:23-27).
So it's really cool, but God has/is totally teaching me to run to Him. He's had to bring on the storms so He could teach me, which (as hard as they are,) I have to count them as absolute blessings from Him. (Perhaps this is the part where you scratch your head and think to yourself, 'Now how does that make sense? Being thankful for storms?') You heard me right! (Well, technically you read it....but you knew what I meant, okay? :) )Yes, He's teaching me to be THANKFUL for the storms in my life! That's the other thing I wish to address...
In church a couple of weeks ago, my mind couldn't help but think on the fact that everything God allows or causes is for a reason. Let me put the pieces of that puzzle together real quick before we move on:
1) God is not bound by time
2) therefore, God is able to see the entire picture, not only of our lives, but of how everything fits so perfectly into His plan
3) God has a plan
4) God's plan is absolutely perfect, because He is absolutely Perfect. (Think about it...He's literally the author of perfection!!)
5) God is all-powerful
6) therefore, God is able to see His plan through
7) God always always ALWAYS has our best interest at the forefront of His plan, and actions (okay, how many times have we all heard Jeremiah 29:11 in our lives? Seriously! Anytime we've ever sung that song in church, it sticks in my head all too well. (lol) )
Okay, time for a sum-up. 1+2+3+4+5+6+7=God allows hardships in our lives FOR OUR BENEFIT!
It's absolutely impossible to know the mind of God, because He is so so so so SO set apart from us. BUT something I've been hearing a ton from an "older sibling" lately is this: "Even if you can't see God's hand, you have to learn to trust His heart." Meaning this- even if we aren't able to see how storms are blessings (especially in the midst of them!!), we have GOT to trust that God (A) has control of absolutely everything, and (B) knows what He's doing!
God has really been teaching me all of this in what I'll call "real life terms". I'm guessing that I've probably known intellectually everything I've said so far since I was knee-high to a grasshopper. (Don't judge me.) But only now is God showing me and teaching me what it means in the real world, when storms do happen. And so in light of ALL of this, what other conclusion is to be had than that I have no choice but to be thankful??!
Let me just put it this way... Me? I don't really know so much. Especially when you compare what I know to what God knows...yikes! But God?? What doesn't He know??! So do I want to choose what's best for me? Heck no, techno!!! How could I do that? I don't even know what's best for me! But God does. How can I not want Him to be the One who figures my life out for me? (fyi, He already has) And guess what? Storms are a part of that. But He allows them to cause me to grow and to seek my shelter in His strong, strong arms. What choice do I have but to run to Him? He's the only One who is fit to hold my heart safe when there's rain and lightning all around me? He holds my heart safe and secure from the wind and the storm by holding it next to His.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Princesses and Purpose
Wow. Okay, I really have to tell you what happened last night (and more importantly the result of it!).
Grahame went to lunch with his grandma on Thursday. I got a text while I was in class from Grahame:
"grandmas orders, I have to take you on a date."
(the next text said ":)" lol)
I didn't have to work last night (Friday), and Grahame was free, too. So we went to one of our favorite restaurants, had a cannoli, and had a wonderful time. It's still fairly early, and Grahame asks if I want to go see what's playing at the $2 theater. (of course I said yes) And the only thing that was playing soon after our arrival was the Disney movie "Tangled", about Rapunzel. (FANTASTIC, I highly recommend it!! Grahame just may have *cough* laughed *cough*cough* as much as I did...*cough* :) It was really funny)
**DISCLAIMER** Some of my word choice may seem kind of funny and/or cheesy. Please just go with it. It's the truth, and it's really the only way to describe it.
So, I go through the whole movie relating to Rapunzel in almost every single way. She had been very sheltered (ok, so this one is a little more extreme for her since she is locked in a tower her entire 18-year life), and was very naive when it came to dealing with the world because she hadn't grown up in it. Seemingly from nowhere, the man she would end up falling in love with and marrying comes and takes her on an adventure. (you can see how Rapunzel and I are similar here, yes? :) ) And I just kept looking at her big, green eyes! Just like all fairytales, the handsome, brave young man saves her in the nick of time, but he dies in the process. (thank goodness that Rapunzel's tears are magical and have healing power!) So he lives again and they know now that they love each other. They share 'true love's kiss', and get married and live happily ever after. (Hang in there men, I'm getting to the point, I promise.)
So I can literally relate to pretty much everything that happens to her...except for one thing...
Toward the very end of it, something hit me right in the heart. I definitely didn't see it coming...There was a scene when Rapunzel--the lost princess--got reunited with the king and queen (her mother and father). There they both were, and there was Rapunzel. There was a short few seconds of them looking at her and her looking at them, and then her mother walked forward and embraced her. That was all fine and good, and a happy warm-fuzzy for the heart, just like anyone would expect it to be. But then, while Rapunzel was hugging her mom, she and her dad caught each other's eye. His eyes said, "welcome home" and hers gave away that she was ready to accept him as her father. He was like the final piece of a previously unfinished puzzle.Which made me realize that mine was still unfinished... And it just hit me where it hurt the most. (I'm tearing up right now just remembering it.)
I just remember thinking, "Oh... That's where my fairytale ends..." That was the one thing she had that I couldn't. Her biological father to welcome her home and to love her.
We walked out of the theater, Grahame putting his jacket chivalrously over my shoulders, and putting his arm around me. We got in the car and started driving, and I just couldn't get the king's face when he looks at his daughter out of my head. Grahame is so wonderful, he can tell pretty much instantly when something is wrong. And he doesn't stop asking me what's wrong until I tell him. (Thank you so much for that, Grahame.) And I said, "This may sound silly, but..." I told him how I had related to the movie so, so closely. And I told him about that one second when Rapunzel and her dad make eye contact for the first time. Grahame listened faithfully and attentively as I spoke through my sobbing. We got back to campus, where he would drop me off, but God wasn't finished with our evening yet.
Grahame parked the car as soon as he could, and I just wept and wept in his arms. I remember exclaiming through my tears, "It's not fair! It's just not fair!" more than once. And suddenly I found myself being comforted by more than one pair of arms. I don't think I've ever felt so physically comforted before by my Heavenly Father. Both of them were reminding me that I did have a Father. One who is Perfect in His Love for me, and He welcomes me constantly into His arms. God spoke both through Grahame in those moments and also directly to me.
All of a sudden, I noticed more emotions in me than just sorrow. I started to feel hope. I knew where it was coming from of course. And that Hope just spread right through me. I knew that everything was going to be okay (and more than just okay). Life suddenly had more potential than I had ever dreamed of. There was so much Hope for that fairytale ending because I knew that someday I would be welcomed home by the One who loves me the most.
Are you crying yet? 'Cause I've thrown away three tissues already.
And with that Hope came Peace and pure, unhindered Joy that penetrated my heart right down to the core. I was so overwhelmed by everything. I just couldn't stop crying. (Grahame, thank you again for your shoulder and for speaking the words God gave you to speak. They helped facilitate one of the most incredible encounters with God that I've ever experienced. And those words don't really cut it, but they're the closest things I have to convey what's in my heart to you right now.) And there goes tissue number four.
After all of that, God decided to instill a new purpose in me, and set my course toward a goal that I pray will bring Him glory, honor, and fame. Let me just say, it's an incredible feeling to have purpose. And to know that when you're working for the Lord, you are accomplishing great, and incredible things for His Name and Kingdom. It was like everything clicked. All of a sudden, I knew what I was being called to do.
I know that I'm a princess, my Father is the King of kings, after all. But how many girls are alive right now at this very moment who don't have an earthly father who don't know they have a Heavenly One? I couldn't tell you a number, but I know that it's entirely too many.
"I have to tell them. He wants me to tell them. They don't know what I know yet, and I'm the one that has to tell them. I have to. They have to know... They HAVE to know!" I found these words coming out of my mouth. So full of conviction and passion, I knew that there was a task (and not an easy one) that God was calling me to. There are so many girls out there who have been through what I have, and a lot of them have been through so much worse. They have to know the Hope that is found in the Father. They have to know that they are loved so, so dearly. They have to know that they are beautiful. They have to know that there is One who wants to welcome them home and to embrace them in His Powerful and Gentle arms.
If I don't tell them, who will? They have to know that there is Hope for this life, and Hope for eternity. They have to know that they are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). They have to know that the King is enthralled by their beauty (Psalm 45:11). They have to know that He helps them and rescues them; He saves them from the wicked, and they can go to Him for protection (Psalm 37:39-40).
And they have to know that they are worthy of being loved.
And I have to tell them.
Grahame went to lunch with his grandma on Thursday. I got a text while I was in class from Grahame:
"grandmas orders, I have to take you on a date."
(the next text said ":)" lol)
I didn't have to work last night (Friday), and Grahame was free, too. So we went to one of our favorite restaurants, had a cannoli, and had a wonderful time. It's still fairly early, and Grahame asks if I want to go see what's playing at the $2 theater. (of course I said yes) And the only thing that was playing soon after our arrival was the Disney movie "Tangled", about Rapunzel. (FANTASTIC, I highly recommend it!! Grahame just may have *cough* laughed *cough*cough* as much as I did...*cough* :) It was really funny)
**DISCLAIMER** Some of my word choice may seem kind of funny and/or cheesy. Please just go with it. It's the truth, and it's really the only way to describe it.
So, I go through the whole movie relating to Rapunzel in almost every single way. She had been very sheltered (ok, so this one is a little more extreme for her since she is locked in a tower her entire 18-year life), and was very naive when it came to dealing with the world because she hadn't grown up in it. Seemingly from nowhere, the man she would end up falling in love with and marrying comes and takes her on an adventure. (you can see how Rapunzel and I are similar here, yes? :) ) And I just kept looking at her big, green eyes! Just like all fairytales, the handsome, brave young man saves her in the nick of time, but he dies in the process. (thank goodness that Rapunzel's tears are magical and have healing power!) So he lives again and they know now that they love each other. They share 'true love's kiss', and get married and live happily ever after. (Hang in there men, I'm getting to the point, I promise.)
So I can literally relate to pretty much everything that happens to her...except for one thing...
Toward the very end of it, something hit me right in the heart. I definitely didn't see it coming...There was a scene when Rapunzel--the lost princess--got reunited with the king and queen (her mother and father). There they both were, and there was Rapunzel. There was a short few seconds of them looking at her and her looking at them, and then her mother walked forward and embraced her. That was all fine and good, and a happy warm-fuzzy for the heart, just like anyone would expect it to be. But then, while Rapunzel was hugging her mom, she and her dad caught each other's eye. His eyes said, "welcome home" and hers gave away that she was ready to accept him as her father. He was like the final piece of a previously unfinished puzzle.Which made me realize that mine was still unfinished... And it just hit me where it hurt the most. (I'm tearing up right now just remembering it.)
I just remember thinking, "Oh... That's where my fairytale ends..." That was the one thing she had that I couldn't. Her biological father to welcome her home and to love her.
We walked out of the theater, Grahame putting his jacket chivalrously over my shoulders, and putting his arm around me. We got in the car and started driving, and I just couldn't get the king's face when he looks at his daughter out of my head. Grahame is so wonderful, he can tell pretty much instantly when something is wrong. And he doesn't stop asking me what's wrong until I tell him. (Thank you so much for that, Grahame.) And I said, "This may sound silly, but..." I told him how I had related to the movie so, so closely. And I told him about that one second when Rapunzel and her dad make eye contact for the first time. Grahame listened faithfully and attentively as I spoke through my sobbing. We got back to campus, where he would drop me off, but God wasn't finished with our evening yet.
Grahame parked the car as soon as he could, and I just wept and wept in his arms. I remember exclaiming through my tears, "It's not fair! It's just not fair!" more than once. And suddenly I found myself being comforted by more than one pair of arms. I don't think I've ever felt so physically comforted before by my Heavenly Father. Both of them were reminding me that I did have a Father. One who is Perfect in His Love for me, and He welcomes me constantly into His arms. God spoke both through Grahame in those moments and also directly to me.
All of a sudden, I noticed more emotions in me than just sorrow. I started to feel hope. I knew where it was coming from of course. And that Hope just spread right through me. I knew that everything was going to be okay (and more than just okay). Life suddenly had more potential than I had ever dreamed of. There was so much Hope for that fairytale ending because I knew that someday I would be welcomed home by the One who loves me the most.
Are you crying yet? 'Cause I've thrown away three tissues already.
And with that Hope came Peace and pure, unhindered Joy that penetrated my heart right down to the core. I was so overwhelmed by everything. I just couldn't stop crying. (Grahame, thank you again for your shoulder and for speaking the words God gave you to speak. They helped facilitate one of the most incredible encounters with God that I've ever experienced. And those words don't really cut it, but they're the closest things I have to convey what's in my heart to you right now.) And there goes tissue number four.
After all of that, God decided to instill a new purpose in me, and set my course toward a goal that I pray will bring Him glory, honor, and fame. Let me just say, it's an incredible feeling to have purpose. And to know that when you're working for the Lord, you are accomplishing great, and incredible things for His Name and Kingdom. It was like everything clicked. All of a sudden, I knew what I was being called to do.
I know that I'm a princess, my Father is the King of kings, after all. But how many girls are alive right now at this very moment who don't have an earthly father who don't know they have a Heavenly One? I couldn't tell you a number, but I know that it's entirely too many.
"I have to tell them. He wants me to tell them. They don't know what I know yet, and I'm the one that has to tell them. I have to. They have to know... They HAVE to know!" I found these words coming out of my mouth. So full of conviction and passion, I knew that there was a task (and not an easy one) that God was calling me to. There are so many girls out there who have been through what I have, and a lot of them have been through so much worse. They have to know the Hope that is found in the Father. They have to know that they are loved so, so dearly. They have to know that they are beautiful. They have to know that there is One who wants to welcome them home and to embrace them in His Powerful and Gentle arms.
If I don't tell them, who will? They have to know that there is Hope for this life, and Hope for eternity. They have to know that they are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). They have to know that the King is enthralled by their beauty (Psalm 45:11). They have to know that He helps them and rescues them; He saves them from the wicked, and they can go to Him for protection (Psalm 37:39-40).
And they have to know that they are worthy of being loved.
And I have to tell them.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Relient K is more profound than most people think
"For the Moments I Feel Faint"
When I'm tempted to think:
"Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?"
A Voice in my head says:
"Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you you're wrong.
Never underestimate my Jesus.
When the world around you crumbles,
He will be strong, He will be strong."
Sometimes it's difficult to keep moving forward...
"I throw up my hands--oh the impossibilities!
Frustrated and tired, where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly.
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear."
But I know that it's what I'm called to. And I don't have to do it alone:
"Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you you're wrong.
Never underestimate my Jesus.
When the world around you crumbles,
He will be strong, He will be strong."
"I think I can't. I think I can't. But I think You can, I think You can.
I think I can't. I think I can't. But I think You can.
I gather my inefficiencies and place them in Your hands, place them in Your hands."
I place them in Your hands, God. <3
When I'm tempted to think:
"Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?"
A Voice in my head says:
"Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you you're wrong.
Never underestimate my Jesus.
When the world around you crumbles,
He will be strong, He will be strong."
Sometimes it's difficult to keep moving forward...
"I throw up my hands--oh the impossibilities!
Frustrated and tired, where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly.
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear."
But I know that it's what I'm called to. And I don't have to do it alone:
"Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you you're wrong.
Never underestimate my Jesus.
When the world around you crumbles,
He will be strong, He will be strong."
"I think I can't. I think I can't. But I think You can, I think You can.
I think I can't. I think I can't. But I think You can.
I gather my inefficiencies and place them in Your hands, place them in Your hands."
I place them in Your hands, God. <3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)