So, God and I got to talking the other day...
We were talking about scars.
I was driving, my right hand on the wheel for a bit. I kept noticing the spot on the back of my hand where I had scraped it the previous day.
"Oh great," I thought to myself, "I'll have another scar on that hand once it heals."
For a second, I was torn...I almost thought it a good thing, and then thought better of it, deciding that it was only going to mark my skin forever and make it somehow less attractive to look at. But then God used it to get my attention.
I began thinking about emotional and spiritual scars. I thought about how I was going to have huge, ugly scars from everything relating to the entire past year+ (how now I was somehow unlikable and even unlovable to the person who had claimed to love me so much for 11 1/2 months). I thought about the mark that would leave on me.
"Is there any way that scars can be beautiful?" I found myself asking my heavenly Father; glad that before I had even gotten the question thought, He was already providing Peace about the answer.
"Scars are reminders of where you've been," He replied.
"But I don't want to remember the pain it took to get them. That just hurts. Why do I need a reminder of how much it hurt when he chose not to love me anymore? I don't want to be reminded of that."
And then thoughts of my (true) future husband flew into my mind.
"Will I still be beautiful to him--even with these scars? After being so broken apart by all of this?"
A feeling not unlike having dirt on my face in the presence of some important company came to me. All I wanted to do was wash it off, to get rid of what marked me so well. But then He spoke again:
"By remembering where you've been, you get to remember just what it is you've overcome along the way." Relief and Peace swept into my heart as I realized: My scars truly will make me more beautiful if I let them.
I've already been feeling as though I've defeated some incredible, strong, fierce beasts in the recent past; This confirmed that fact in my mind and heart. Not so that I could boast and say, "Hey! Look what I've done! Look how I've gotten through!" Absolutely NOT! Instead, "Look how Good God is! Look how God has used these things in my life to grow me! Look at how fierce His Love for me that He would take such wonderful care of me!" (MUCH better!)
Then I was able to think about my (invisible, but very REAL) scars in a new way. A way in which the phrase 'battle scars' can apply. While they may not be the most pretty thing to look at, what they stand for, what they show about you means so much more.
By looking at them, someone else can see where you've been, and appreciate how you've gotten from there to here. And not in a way that you get pitied, but in a way such that you have something to show for your efforts. And even more importantly, God's glory gets to take center stage as you share that it's all and only because of Him that you have thrived in the worst of circumstances.
So several things about scars came to my attention... (1) They may not be pretty, but they'll fade with time. (2) They're something to be thankful for. Because without them marking you, you wouldn't have gotten to where you are now. So in a way, (3) they're kind of a beautiful thing, making you more unique along the way (we all know how I love to be unique! lol :) ), and also how they've made you stronger along the way as well. They mold and shape you to be the person God intended you to be from the very beginning. (You know, before sin got in the way.) And lastly, (4) they're a reminder of the fact that the person you used to be doesn't have to play a part in who God is growing you to be. You have to know that the pain will continue to fade for the rest of your life (IF you let it of course). For some people, they have had so many scars thrust upon them that they are unrecognizable--for better or worse, only they get to choose.
Scars aren't something you can or should wish away or hold on to forever. They're reminders of the triumphs you've had by thwarting the enemy every time you get the chance by not letting the pain consume you. They're reminders of how we've overcome and what we've overcome. We learn, we apply what we learn to our lives, and then we only remember that which makes us stronger and helps us to grow.
So as far as scars are concerned, I definitely don't want to say 'bring them on'. But I've decided to welcome the ones I have with open arms. I will embrace the marks they give my emotional and spiritual appearance, and I will lean from them as I move forward, knowing that it is by God's Grace and Goodness that I can say I have triumphed! <3
James 1:2-4
Galatians 6:17
